Jilted by self

So Tony and I had a little hang out the other night. There were good parts and bad parts, but by the end of the night, I was in tears. And it wasn't tears of the fact we're still not together, it's the fact that I don't feel like I have him really there.
Eli had his Christmas pics done, and when we arrived I saw Tony, but he was with the new girl. It kills me inside only because he knew I was coming up there and it felt like he was making sure I saw them. I made a deal, I won't disrespect as long as he didn't, and I felt very disrespected. How are we supposed to have a friendship if number 1 we can't stand to see each other with another and number 2 we fight about shit that doesn't matter.
And what it really boils down to is we broke up because I wouldn't stay the night with him and my mother gave me a curfew....it wasn't really a curfew, it was a time I needed to be home because I have a child! To be honest, I told him that I was still in love with Hunter, but I can't stand the bastard! He is nothing more than a sperm donor at this point. I just didn't know how to stop hurting with Tony. He wanted to be a daddy to this precious little girl, and I ruined it by saying something that wasn't true. And I have to keep a wager of basically not feeling anything for Tony. Pills only go so far, but true pain never gets better. So right now I am just going to keep telling myself and others that there is nothing until it becomes true. Until basically I don't want to feel anything for anyone because I don't want to hurt anymore! Let's see how this works.....

And if you are reading this Tony, this is my heart. This is my truth, and you should know

Pregnant and Broken Hearted....Again

Apparently this is my theme. Well, as the good words of Kelly Clarkson, "Never Again."
Tony and I broke up. The funny part is he has already moved on. I shouldn't be shocked. He's a man. I guess it's the fact that he would sit there and say he wanted to be the daddy, but what am I to do now? I'm so ready to just have my little here so I can just say to hell with everyone.

been a while

So it's been a good minute since the last post. It's not like anyone reads this anyways, but it's the principle of the matter!
Last Friday, October 15, I found out that I'm having a baby girl! I'm so excited! This will be the last child I have though. I have always said when I finally have a girl, that will be it.
I hate to keep this short and sweet, but that's how it's been lately!
Until next time!

New Guy Alert!!!!

I wish this happened everyday, but, there is definitely a new guy in my life. Let's see how long this one last. No, I'm just kidding. I have a new favorite mexican though, his name is Tony. And I don't usually date Mexicans, but he's awesome! He plays pool...works with cars...and he likes kids. Well, he kind of has to because he has 2 himself. The only downfall......he's 35! Wow, 11 years my senior! I think it's time I found a guy that was the same maturity level as me!
Damn straight!

Cupid Shuffle....lol!

Cupid is cruel. Have you ever realized that? He's a complete ass. And now he's playing with my heart again. Yes, that's right. Mr. Johnny Blake will be here tonight! You know sometimes I want to call him Johnny Blaze....lol! Isn't that the name of that guy from Ghostrider?

Baby news:
He or she is kicking up a storm. Especially on my right side. Which that is fine, but I'm still having pains on my left. And then all this stress with my dad and Eli is driving me bonkers. I haven't had a full night of unrelentless sleep in a while. It's to the point right now that my mother has ab out to step in.

But let's see how the weekend goes.

I love the way you lie....

So I finally told him. I was talking to him last night and I finally told him how I was really feeling...do you know how great it feels? But he had been drowning his sorrows with crown and coke and so I don't think he remembers. He said he would, but that's a man for you! ha ha
Anyways, so I am talking to another guy. He's very straight forward and he has rules...shit, he sounds like my dad. I don't think I need that! He's cute, but not better looking than you know who. And he's a cop! Do I really want a cop? I don't know?! I don't think I can handle it! Who knows, but my favorite guy will be here this weekend. Yes, Johnny will be here late Friday night or early Saturday morning...YIPEE! I'm so excited!
We will see what happens!

Empty Promises by Brittany Denise Grant| Lulu Poetry

Empty Promises by Brittany Denise Grant Lulu Poetry

Making it....well, sort of!

So I think I am ok with this whole "friend" thing....I know I said verbally a thousand times that I was ok with it, but I wasn't really. I hate being the friend. Why can't I be the girl friend? Is it because I enjoy the things that guys enjoy so they do not look past that?
And since I'm officially giving Johnny the address to my blog, I wonder what he is going to say. Probably, may be we shouldn't be friends....Lord knows!
Or should I even let him read my blog? He wants to...he's asked to before, but I may just wait until next weekend.

Wishes....

We all remember when we were kids that our parents told us we could wish on a star and it would come true. Go figure, they weren't right. It was nothing more than a lie.
I wish all wishes could come true. If that were so, I would still be in Mississippi and with my husband. But seeing that it's not that way, I'm stuck here in Texas. Not that Texas is all that bad, but basically I wouldn't be in the situation I find myself in. I mean, how many 24 year old do you know that are going through exactly what I'm going through.....NONE!
I want to keep it simple. I want to live my life. I want to have my baby. And I want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for? Am I allowed that least bit of happiness? Someone tell me

Mr. Perfect, Not So Perfect

I've been waiting on doing this post....Mr. Perfect aka Johnny, well, let's just say we don't fit. You know the old saying, "It's not you, it's me." Yes, it was used on me....can you believe it!? Here I am...3 days before South Padre getting things together and he breaks things off. I'm so disgusted right now. And that was a few days ago.
Yes, granted, we are still talking. He is still coming to Eli's birthday. But I don't know if I can do this friend thing. My heart in a way has been broken. I let my guard down. Man, am I a fool.
He supposed to be coming down next weekend. Do you think I'm going to behave? Probably not...hell, I'm pregnant....I have needs! Don't I deserve something? I guess that's what you get when you let your heart win instead of your head.....I should have said no....Until another day

Weekend Recap.....YAY!

So he came to town...he came in about 11 Saturday morning and met my family...well, part of my family. And may I say that it was a total miracle that my dad really likes him. And on top of all that, Eli liked him. Oh geez, so what am I going to do? I guess right now, I'm going to tell you what we did.
THE ZOO:
Well, may I say that the Cameron Park Zoo is not the same zoo that I remember. But when you go somewhere you haven't been to in years, that's how it usually works. Eli loved it though. And him, well, he loves being around me. What can I say? It's weird. But we were there for about an hour and a half...got some great pics!
THE COOKOUT:
Cooking out went great! He was pretty buzzy on his crown and coke, and I was just happy that he was happy. He took Eli on his four wheeler and then we ate. He loved daddy's smoked ribs. I do have to say, they were pretty good.

So I'm sure ya'll are wondering why I do not post this guy's name. Part of it is I'm scared to put it out there and something happen and the other part is as most of you know, I'm still married to the jerk! So I want to protect this guy. I like him, and one day his name will be written or typed on this blog, but until then, he's just going to be the most incredible man that I like.

Baby Day!!! Yay!

So I may get to find out what I am having today...I'm super excited. I really want a girl, but if it's a boy, then I want a healthy boy.
Talked to the "guy" today. My goodness, I can't stop thinking about him. And it's all the time. I really like him, but I'm scared to like him. What if it doesn't work out? Will I have wasted all this time on someone who is not the one? And what is the "one" anyway......I'm technically still married to the guy who I thought was the one.
Which brings me to my next subject, divorce. I'm debating going ahead and going through with it. I don't want to be tied to him anymore. I plan on callling him tonight, and maybe we will talk about it. You will always love the father of your children, but I just don't want him in my life anymore! What should I do? email me at airforcewifey07@gmail.com

This weekend

Oh geez, can we say amazing? And his name, well, it will remain anonymous until I see where this goes. He's some kind of wonderful. I miss him. I guess I should tell about the weekend.
He picks me up and we go to Hooters. How many girls out there really like Hooters? Not very many I'm sure! But I love it! And ok, so there was reasoning to going there. He asked me if it was a test. I said no, but underneath, I was secretly hoping I was all he wanted to look at.....and that's what happend. And girls, when his eyes look at you, oh my, you get weak in the knees. I was so scared and excited at the same time.
After there we went to the suspension bridge. And I must say it's not as big as I remember...LOL! But it was sweet and quiet and just made us more comfortable around each other. I wish we could have spent the whole day there. And "dinner" consisted of a meat lovers pizza hut stuff crust pizza...oh and dr. pepper. Of course, since we are in Waco, you must drink Dr. Pepper.
And right now as we speak, I'm on the phone with him. And the way he laughs about stuff is so cute, but I won't tell him that. He has a weird sense of humor. But I like it. I like him. And most of all, I like me when I'm with him.
Now next weekend, that will be the test. He's not only going to meet my son, but he's also going to meet my dad. SCARY! Pray for him! But I'll keep you posted!

The First of Many

It's been a while since I've done this blogging thing. But, why not? It's basically a way for people who do not know to get to know me. I should probably start off by explaining my heading "The Estranged Wife." I've been married for almost 3 years. But for the last 10 months, my husband and I haven't lived together. So often as a joke to my friends, I refer to myself as the estranged wife.
But because of we've tried to work things out, now we have another child on the way. I'm 11 weeks and 3 days today. I'm honestly excited, but I'm also scared. I'm 24 years old and before I'm 25 I will be a mother of 2. What was I thinking?