Jilted by self

So Tony and I had a little hang out the other night. There were good parts and bad parts, but by the end of the night, I was in tears. And it wasn't tears of the fact we're still not together, it's the fact that I don't feel like I have him really there.
Eli had his Christmas pics done, and when we arrived I saw Tony, but he was with the new girl. It kills me inside only because he knew I was coming up there and it felt like he was making sure I saw them. I made a deal, I won't disrespect as long as he didn't, and I felt very disrespected. How are we supposed to have a friendship if number 1 we can't stand to see each other with another and number 2 we fight about shit that doesn't matter.
And what it really boils down to is we broke up because I wouldn't stay the night with him and my mother gave me a curfew....it wasn't really a curfew, it was a time I needed to be home because I have a child! To be honest, I told him that I was still in love with Hunter, but I can't stand the bastard! He is nothing more than a sperm donor at this point. I just didn't know how to stop hurting with Tony. He wanted to be a daddy to this precious little girl, and I ruined it by saying something that wasn't true. And I have to keep a wager of basically not feeling anything for Tony. Pills only go so far, but true pain never gets better. So right now I am just going to keep telling myself and others that there is nothing until it becomes true. Until basically I don't want to feel anything for anyone because I don't want to hurt anymore! Let's see how this works.....

And if you are reading this Tony, this is my heart. This is my truth, and you should know

Pregnant and Broken Hearted....Again

Apparently this is my theme. Well, as the good words of Kelly Clarkson, "Never Again."
Tony and I broke up. The funny part is he has already moved on. I shouldn't be shocked. He's a man. I guess it's the fact that he would sit there and say he wanted to be the daddy, but what am I to do now? I'm so ready to just have my little here so I can just say to hell with everyone.

been a while

So it's been a good minute since the last post. It's not like anyone reads this anyways, but it's the principle of the matter!
Last Friday, October 15, I found out that I'm having a baby girl! I'm so excited! This will be the last child I have though. I have always said when I finally have a girl, that will be it.
I hate to keep this short and sweet, but that's how it's been lately!
Until next time!

New Guy Alert!!!!

I wish this happened everyday, but, there is definitely a new guy in my life. Let's see how long this one last. No, I'm just kidding. I have a new favorite mexican though, his name is Tony. And I don't usually date Mexicans, but he's awesome! He plays pool...works with cars...and he likes kids. Well, he kind of has to because he has 2 himself. The only downfall......he's 35! Wow, 11 years my senior! I think it's time I found a guy that was the same maturity level as me!
Damn straight!

Cupid Shuffle....lol!

Cupid is cruel. Have you ever realized that? He's a complete ass. And now he's playing with my heart again. Yes, that's right. Mr. Johnny Blake will be here tonight! You know sometimes I want to call him Johnny Blaze....lol! Isn't that the name of that guy from Ghostrider?

Baby news:
He or she is kicking up a storm. Especially on my right side. Which that is fine, but I'm still having pains on my left. And then all this stress with my dad and Eli is driving me bonkers. I haven't had a full night of unrelentless sleep in a while. It's to the point right now that my mother has ab out to step in.

But let's see how the weekend goes.

I love the way you lie....

So I finally told him. I was talking to him last night and I finally told him how I was really feeling...do you know how great it feels? But he had been drowning his sorrows with crown and coke and so I don't think he remembers. He said he would, but that's a man for you! ha ha
Anyways, so I am talking to another guy. He's very straight forward and he has rules...shit, he sounds like my dad. I don't think I need that! He's cute, but not better looking than you know who. And he's a cop! Do I really want a cop? I don't know?! I don't think I can handle it! Who knows, but my favorite guy will be here this weekend. Yes, Johnny will be here late Friday night or early Saturday morning...YIPEE! I'm so excited!
We will see what happens!

Empty Promises by Brittany Denise Grant| Lulu Poetry

Empty Promises by Brittany Denise Grant Lulu Poetry