Crissy

This is my little girl

26 days

Well, my sweet precious angel is 26 days old as of today...hard to believe she'll be a month old on Monday! Wow! Where has the time gone?

Minor update with us. Cristin is a chunk, Eli is huge, and well, I'm about 30 pounds lighter!!! Life is good. God has done some wonderful things with us lately. I'm really excited. Things still aren't great where Hunter is concerned, but God will handle it. He's been really taking care of us here lately and I'm so thankful!

Lindsay and Ryan Landin will be here next week. I'm a little nervous, but when you go through the holidays on edge, you have to be reserved when it comes to them. I love my brother, but sometimes I feel like I don't know him like I used to. I wish he would make more of an effort with us out here, but he is doing the right thing by putting his family first. So I can't really fault him for that! Otherwise, I guess I can't wait for Monday to get here!

As far as Mike and I, well, we've pretty much have said this is it. I think I have found the one I will spend the rest of my life with, but only time will fully tell.

And my social life....well, what's that? LOL! I miss my friends so much that it hurts. I have to sit here alone most days and that's when I cry the most. I hate being alone. I hate the thought of not seeing my friends who are my family. I guess I will have to move back to Mississippi if Mike and I don't make it!

Hard to Swallow

Here's a hard pill to swallow....Hunter is never going to change. I want to just scream. Is that wrong of me? I have nothing else to say about it...barf!

5 days and counting....

So I go to my last check up tomorrow. I'm officially 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. We finally got the crib together last night and we're supposed to be hanging items on the wall tonight. It just seems crazy that she'll be here soon. Cristin Gayle Craft is the official name. I still feel like I wish I wasn't pregnant with another baby, but like they say, God doesn't give us things he doesn't think we can handle. Well, I guess this is just another thing.
I go to speak with my attorney tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. Hunter, of course, is being an ass like always. How can someone tell you they can't afford child support, but they can afford a new bullet proof vest and guns and going hunting and everything else he does. He said his attorney had to retire after Betty supposedly wrote a check for 2500 dollars to this wack job! The whole thing does not make sense. Of course when it comes to that family, nothing makes sense.
Just hope that everything works out!

Don't you wanna stay here......

So it's been well over a month since my last entry. And I wish I could say things have changed for me, but they haven't. I'm more depressed than ever. And may be it's just the "baby blues" but don't know.

I feel like life keeps throwing curve balls and I keep striking out. The only good thing is Eli is getting bigger and Cristin will be here soon. I really don't know what's going to happen when she gets here. Hunter is going to fight for custody of Eli and is wanting a DNA test on Cristin. I'm worried about what will happen with that.

There is a new guy. He's great, but it's going extremely slow. It's for obvious reasons, though. But I have decided not to do the tubal ligation because of him. I just hope I'm making the right decision. Not that any decision here lately has been the right one.

I'm sure time will tell on these matters. Just pray for me and the kids. Pray this whole thing hurries along.

Jilted by self

So Tony and I had a little hang out the other night. There were good parts and bad parts, but by the end of the night, I was in tears. And it wasn't tears of the fact we're still not together, it's the fact that I don't feel like I have him really there.
Eli had his Christmas pics done, and when we arrived I saw Tony, but he was with the new girl. It kills me inside only because he knew I was coming up there and it felt like he was making sure I saw them. I made a deal, I won't disrespect as long as he didn't, and I felt very disrespected. How are we supposed to have a friendship if number 1 we can't stand to see each other with another and number 2 we fight about shit that doesn't matter.
And what it really boils down to is we broke up because I wouldn't stay the night with him and my mother gave me a curfew....it wasn't really a curfew, it was a time I needed to be home because I have a child! To be honest, I told him that I was still in love with Hunter, but I can't stand the bastard! He is nothing more than a sperm donor at this point. I just didn't know how to stop hurting with Tony. He wanted to be a daddy to this precious little girl, and I ruined it by saying something that wasn't true. And I have to keep a wager of basically not feeling anything for Tony. Pills only go so far, but true pain never gets better. So right now I am just going to keep telling myself and others that there is nothing until it becomes true. Until basically I don't want to feel anything for anyone because I don't want to hurt anymore! Let's see how this works.....

And if you are reading this Tony, this is my heart. This is my truth, and you should know

Pregnant and Broken Hearted....Again

Apparently this is my theme. Well, as the good words of Kelly Clarkson, "Never Again."
Tony and I broke up. The funny part is he has already moved on. I shouldn't be shocked. He's a man. I guess it's the fact that he would sit there and say he wanted to be the daddy, but what am I to do now? I'm so ready to just have my little here so I can just say to hell with everyone.